Sweet Relief

Lately I've been a little worried that I'm a hipster; when people say the word, they rarely define it, but it is often used to describe a person or group which I have something in common with [read: cinema major]. So, just to be sure, I consulted the Most Accurate Source Evar, urbandictionary.com . Here's what they had to say: [my notes in brackets]

Listens to bands that you have never heard of. [Yes.]
Has hairstyle that can only be described as "complicated." (Most likely achieved by a minimum of one week not washing it.) [Ew, no. My boyfriend has a more complicated hair style than I do, and if you've seen my boyfriend, you know his hair style is not complicated AT ALL.]
Probably tattooed. [Not.]
Maybe gay. [Not.]
Definitely cooler than you. [Clearly.]
Reads Black Book, Nylon, and the Styles section of the New York Times. [Not even sure what those are.]
Drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon. Often. [...ew. If anyone ever sees me drinking Pabst, sedate me and get me into a mental hospital.]
Complains. [Hellz yeah.]
Always denies being a hipster. Hates the word. [Yes to both.]
Probably living off parents money - and spends a great deal of it to look like they don't have any. [Partly. It's about even actually, my money and theirs. And I really don't spend much at all; what I do spend is mine.]
Has friends and/or self cut hair. [No.]
Dyes it frequently (black, white-blonde, etc. and until scalp bleeds). [Ouch no.]
Has a closet full of clothing but usually wears same three things OVER AND OVER (most likely very tight black pants, scarf, and ironic tee-shirt). [Yes, but not the very tight black pants. Occasionally the scarf, and my t-shirts are only occasionally ironic.]
Chips off nail polish artfully after $50 manicure. [Do chip nail polish. Do not pay to have them painted.]
Sleeps with everyone and talks about it at great volume in crowded coffee shops. [Too poor for coffee shops. Am not slut.]
Addicted to coffee, cigarettes (Parliaments, Kamel Reds, Lucky Strikes, etc.), and possibly cocaine. [No, sweetie. No coffee, no cigarettes, no coke. ...unless you count Diet.]
Claims to be in a band. [Not currently.]
Rehearsals consist of choosing outfits for next show and drinking PBR. [Ew PBR.]
Always on the list. [Uncertain what this means.]
Majors or majored in art, writing, or queer studies. [...cinema.]
Name-drops. [Not guilty.]
May go by "Penny Lane," "Eleanor Rigby," etc. when drunk. On PBR. Which is usually. [Ew ew. No.]

Final score:
Pro-hipster: 7
Non-hipster: 14

So I'm 1/3 hipster, but I think most people do at least ONE of these things, and probably more.
Official conclusion: I am not a hipster.